Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The shape of the universe

There's a major argument about the shape of the universe, especially because it's so freaking big all we have to go on are hypotheses and science.

But in general, we scientists all agree that it is one of these three shapes:

Closed Universe

Open Universe

Lou Ferrigno

My money's on the Ferrigno universe. The other two just don't really have the evidence to back them up.

Orion needs to gain some weight

I'm serious. Look at his waist.

I don't need a [doctorate] to see that his waist is way too thin. Maybe if he actually got the balls to kill Ursa Major or Minor to feed on their bear flesh he wouldn't have these problems.

Constellations are dumb. They just don't think. Also, they're just drawings. I like science.


What is the universe?

Homogeneous and Isotropic, bitch.

I'm going to lay down some ground work for these two concepts:


Homogeneous basically describes that on the grand scheme of things, every part of the universe looks basically like every other part of the universe. Easy. You look at one chunk of universe, albeit one very LARGE piece of universe, and it's gonna look roughly the same as some other huge portion of the universe.

I see your confused.

Let's say I'm eating a bowl of oatmeal, and I stirred the shit out of it after I added brown sugar. Basically every bite is going to have the same amount of brown sugar (I don't use milk). That's like the universe. The universe is kinda like a giant bowl of oatmeal to God. In that oatmeal example I represented God.


Basically if you look out all across the universe the entire thing is going to keep going, unified, in every direction. Like, it has the same physical properties in every direction. Like the opposite of Vegas. Every direction you turn in Vegas is a brand new fuck you to your eyes.

No. Not Vegas.

It's more like my dick. It keeps going, and always has the same physical properties, in every direction.


That's the universe in a nutshell. You wanna fight Stephen Hawking?

Saturday, August 1, 2009

The best guide to the Cosmos in the history of the Cosmos

Allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is [Dr.] Dru Johnston, one of the top authorities on Cosmology, Astronomy, Superstring theory, Multiple Dimensionality, Vulcanism, Relativity and Chewbacca. I did not attend any of the top universities for these fields, nor were they the main focus of my study. I didn't get brainwashed by the man when I learned about Superstring, I learned from the streets. So while I consider myself a top level expert on these subjects, and have certainly earned a doctorate from the Astronomy school of hard knocks, the man keeps trying to get me down when I claim I'm a doctor. Hence the brackets.

Also, I am re-introducing myself because although we have never formally met in this dimension we have met many times over in one of the other multiple universes as posited by Quantum Mechanics. In fact we have also fucked, married, divorced, cheated on one another, told our deep dark secrets, impregnated one another, lied about enjoying Can't Hardly Wait, murdered each other, watched Lost together, decided Lost was no good together, switched to Battlestar together, gave each other handjobs, continued to watch Lost together and so on and so on. So hello again, my wife/husband/ex/murdervictim/murderer/lover/oppressor/Lostaccomplice/handjobgiverandreceiver.

In this blog I plan on laying down the truth about the universe, and teach all you a little bit about this thing called science. The Cosmological Principles is already your number one resource for all things cosmology. Get used to it.

Prepare to be learned.